so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
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Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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