i would punch a child for taco bell
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
