Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
