I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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