So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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