If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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