Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Mom said you looked used
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
