I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
