you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
