FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
