you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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