How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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