If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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