omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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