I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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