I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
