Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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