even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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