I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
