shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
