i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
