why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just gargled with NyQuil