....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.