yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Acid is not a monday night drug
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad