It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice