he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
