My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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