Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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