I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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