Me. At least after what I've been through.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
