your parents love me but you hate me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And then he peed in my hair
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
