i just google imaged poop.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.