so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?