She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.