i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
3pm strippers are depressing
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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