I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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