im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My cat gives me a boner
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize