Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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