True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
