I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
