Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Drunk is not a location!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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