Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My liver just had a heart attack.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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