So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
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For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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