That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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