if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
