Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
