I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
