sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
