But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
