the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
