Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
