something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
