Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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