Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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