I wannas sexs uuuuu
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
