Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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