This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Im part way to drunk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
