i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
