Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
