she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My vagina just recognized that song.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize