So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
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