I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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