So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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